I think about Carlton fire every day, but not as concertedly as I used to. She crosses my mind(yes it’s “she”:)) like a spring cardinal that flies past the edge of my eye: startling, luminous, lovely, gone.It’s something that I’ve come to look at it as a piece of the journey that I’ve been on in this lifetime and things that I learnt from,but that one took a long time. That one took a long time.It’s not a question of getting over it or healing. No; it’s been  a question of learning to live with this transformation. For the loss is trans formative, in good ways and bad, a tangle of change that cannot be threaded into the usual narrative spools. It is too central for that. It’s not an emergence from the cocoon, but a tree growing around an obstruction,gathering a depth of understanding of  life which is layered .

2011 had this exuberance of being” älive attached to it”,away from the bondage of the oxygen cylinders,needles,tubes,being crucified everyday.That had to fade away with harsh reality of loss of vitality,a body and functionality which was devastatingly shaken ,therefore becoming a host to infections and impacting my emotional state hugely leaving me helpless and shattered.

2012 May was when i took a vow and made a declaration that am going to work on myself .Therapy helped me ,so did walking along with great souls and reading and rereading their thoughts,observing nature ,and shifting the attention i was giving this whole gruesome newness ,in nurturing my children.Soon profound acknowledgements started coming my way and i started to thrive on them and my whole being started the process of repairing.Soon i was at a phase where i took on the task of restoring justice to the nine lives who didnt make it,by attending the court hearing regularly,i knew all of them personally.There where dialogues exchanged with the (Owners of Carlton towers)sometimes in angst,and yet at times with an understanding that cannot expect them to understand what their greed did to us,but i sure can remind them repeatedly which i did,but in vain.

“A weapon called Grace”

We the survivors of “Carlton Fire” and our loved ones come together redefining our suffering,through a revolution at a profound level,total and integrated by honoring and restoring the worthiness of the souls that the toxic fumes took away,and the beautiful space that Carlton Towers once was, that remains reduced and haunted with the cascading effects of the horrific fire on the 23rd Feb 2010 .

At a time when touchiness seems to be rife and where any attack,real or perceived becomes locked in an ascending spiral of bitterness and hate.With this alternative engagement through a “Flash Mob”,we demonstrate empathy,by explaining matter-of-factly and create a platform of reconciliation and understanding,leaving everyone “won’,and felt better about themselves.

Dear Friends your presence will be invaluable to me,

At 3.00pm beside Carlton Towers we meet

Affectionately ,

The Queen of Carlton Fire 🙂

2014

Launched myself as a “Chef on Hire” i witnessed within me those hidden expansive potentialities i could embrace and labor it all with love.
“Winter with it’s bitterness this time left me again wrapped up with all those layers of helplessness ,uncertainty,and all my focus was on helping my body to get one gasp of a normal breath,it was a daunting task and as “life saver summer”knocked on my doors ,i realized vulnerability was not a weakness, it is not a choice.I fell back, literally or figuratively from outer targets, not even to a sense of inner accomplishment or an imagined state of attained stillness, but to a different kind of meeting place, a living, breathing state of natural exchange…!

2015-Am Alive again:)allowing myself to just be”ï feel all the more entitled to living it fully now .Yes it’s taken five years of it all to get here!

 If you are a  survivor write in!

Maneesha Ramakrishnan, was unfortunately caught in the Carlton Towers fire on 23rd Feb.2010. She was one of those, whose injuries kept her in hospital for a prolonged period. Her suffering continues even today and this accident has been a life changing moment for her.